The different metal music of the world

High above in a castle, there’s a princess who was kidnapped, locked in there and is now “guarded” by a terrible huge menacing dragon”...

HEAVY METAL:
The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers and fucks the princess

GRIND METAL:
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves…

POWER METAL:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and they make love in an enchanted forest

THRASH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and fucks her....... easy and quick

FOLK METAL:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (from all the dancing) and the protagonist leaves without the princess

VIKING METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy axe, cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals the castle and burns the place before he leaves

DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves

BLACK METAL:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in the front of the castle.....then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the deflowered princess

GORE METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in the front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her....then he fucks again her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts, fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time

DOOM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks that he never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as well

PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo for 26 minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom, the protagonist arrives to the princess’ bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques learned in the last year of the conservatory… the princess escapes, and is now looking for the “HEAVY METAL” protagonist

GLAM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy’s looks and lets him enter, he steals the princess’ make-up, convinces her to dye her hair and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color

INDUSTRIAL METAL:
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes an obscene gestures towards the dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

FUN METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a CD of HELGE SCHNEIDER, the Dragon gets a fit of laughter and the princess eats a slice of bread with cheese.

with thanks to me old mucker Zoe Strobe! :)