My new manifesto - THLF aka THLuFf

TIME
HOPE
LOVE
FAITH

My new words to live by.

This month has been a hard month in a grindingly hard year. I really miss my Mum. She was a pain in the ass at times, but she was one person I could talk to about anything and everything.

A lot of things have been getting me down, as evidenced in my last blog (unbroadcast, but it is there). I felt pretty bleak and there were some fairly dark and self destructive thoughts on the Sunday before too.

It has been pointed out by several people that I am too hard on myself. The same is true of many of the people I really care about.

So here is my new manifesto. It’s simply a way of reminding myself to not give up and to keep trying. Sharks die if they stop moving and I feel a certain momentum is required to keep me going. So here it is:

TIME
Simply put, stop wanting everything to be perfect NOW. It will never happen. Keep trying. Be prepared to wait and see. Give yourself time to change, grow and adapt. Yes, you could die tomorrow but don’t beat yourself up because things aren’t perfect. Make plans, have fun, live. So yes, time. Be mindful of its amazing healing properties. All wounds? Perhaps not, but most pain lessens with time.

HOPE
Those of you reading comics, take heed. Those of you reading Green Lantern/Blackest Night especially. The Blue Lanterns are fast becoming my favourite Lanterns. Hope is an amazing thing. And I love that in Green Lantern mythology, hope is useless without willpower.
Also, Galen in Crusade (a spinoff from Babylon 5, the TV show that probably saved my life as a teenager) once wisely said, “There is always hope. Only because that is the one thing no one has figured out how to kill. Yet.”
Hope for better for yourself. Hope for better for those around you and those you love. I’m not going to labour this point, but when it’s dark - find some things to hope for. Doesn’t mean anything will change without you doing something and even then it might not work out, but at least you had a go. To quote someone I know. ;)

LOVE
Simply put, learn to love yourself and those around you.
I never, ever got that whilst Mum was alive. She used to tell me I had to learn to love myself before anyone else could. It seemed like a crock of shit to be honest, but very recently I realised I do.
I like me. I might even say I love me.
I’m not perfect, but I have reduced almost all the thngs about me that I disliked to a minimum and have emphasised my best qualities. The wrapper still needs work, but I’m getting there. I’ve finally found something that works for me.
I can be selfish sometimes, but I think one thing British people do all too often is martyr themselves. We put others first in an attempt to seem morally superior. Often hoping our good deeds will warrant a reward from those we have helped. Don’t be afraid to do what you need to do. Don’t resort to passive-aggressive tactics in social interaction. Be direct and honest with people as to your intentions and desires. It’ll be easier in the long run.
I don’t think loving yourself to the point of arrogance is much use. But a little swagger is no harm at all. I personally refuse to allow another person to make me question my entire self again. If I’m fucking up, I’ll try to fix it. But I’m going to keep this self worth I’m developing and nuture it. :)
Anyway, I digress.

FAITH
The hardest to quantify. I don’t mean religion. I mean faith in yourself and those around you that you trust. If you trust them, have faith in them to be there for you. And have some faith in yourself to make decisions and to stand your ground when it matters. To know how to pick your battles. If part of your life seems fucked, stop and realise its very rare that your whole lfe is a mess even if it feels that way. Think of the other areas of your life that are actually going well and take heart. I have whittled my friends list down to people I have faith in. If you can read this, you are probably a good person in my estimation. This is what I mean by faith in this context.

So there you have it. Very preachy and new age for me. I’m not entirely comfortable sharing it but I need to write it down., These words are mainly for me.

THLF or thluff is by way of trying to take everything positive I’ve learnt this year and actually apply it.

So if I’m freaking out or getting upset, please stop and remind me of this. It might not make a shred of difference at the time, but everything you guys say to me does go in.

It just may take time to process!

If you have been, thanks for reading.