Scrapbooking, Skins and life in general

I'm trying to get out of the habit of only blogging when I'm low.

Right now, I'm OK. Life is bemusing me rather than getting me down. It's bittersweet bemusement at the moment.

The eating is still a disgrace. I'm angry at myself. I can do this. I can eat 2000 calories a day or less, and I start each day with good intentions. Then the wheels come off and I have a mini-binge on junk from the little shop. I'm not sure if its boredom, or underlying unhappiness, but I determined to eventually get this under control again.

I've nearly finished my North Channel Swim Challenge. I hoped to complete this week, but alas I find Friday is becoming a fun day of Revolution drinking with Suzy and the Nationwide folks. It's a big help. Tonight will also see some Tex-Mex dining and Judder fun.


I was nervous about going as tonight's Judder will see the arrival of an entourage from Swindon (ah the wonders of Facebook for telling you things you didn't need to know, and my lack of willpower for clicking on things I shouldn't!) and among their number are not one, but two ex-girlfriends of mine.

But I've decided I won't let it unduly worry me. It's ancient history. Past is prologue. I intend to have a great night.

I recently took lots of old greeting cards, gig tickets and other paper keepsakes and made a scrap book. I was inspired by finding some of Mum's scrapbooks from the late Seventies.

In them were cards from my estranged half-sister to my Mum when she was quite young and I was not even a twinkle in the eye. They highlight a deep sense of unease and disquiet in a young mind unhappy that her parents have divorced. It was very illuminating. I have often taken Tamzyn's decision to sever contact with Mum and myself as rejection.

She did it when I was seven years old, not long after I'd started to realise I had a big sister that didn't live with us and how special that was. I'd begun to idolise her and then she was gone. Reading these old cards makes me realise she had her own issues with Mum and her decisions to stop being part of our lives was her way of coping.

I guess it wasn't a reflection on me per se, more of a reflection on the position I occupied as usurper. And Mum was a hard woman. Fiercely protective of and passionate about her kids, but she demanded reciprocal concern that is often above and beyond the ability of a child or a teenager. I wonder if Tamzyn ever realised how much worse she made it for me? At least in my opinion. Mum had all that love for two children with only one son to focus on. It was an intense relationship and defines so much of who I am today.

I'm off-topic, as I so often am. :)

A quick further aside then, before I get back to my original point about scrapbooking. If you haven't been watching Eddie Iz Running please do. That episode and episode two are up until the 25th March.

Last year, Eddie Izzard ran around the country doing 33 marathons, only taking a rest day every seven days or so. The whole thing is narrated by David Tennant and it's well crafted TV. But more over, it's a testament to a person's determination. Eddie lost his Mum when he was very young and I can't help thinking that David Tennant lost his Mum recently too. Can't have been easy to narrate, as Eddie visits childhood haunts on his travels unearthing long buried memories.

It's all too raise money for Sport Relief. Please do watch it.

So, moths. No wait, that's Eddie Izzard's material. I mean, so scrapbooking. This has really given me this current sense of bemusement. I have four different greetings cards from five separate women among the scraps in the book, all of which say "Forever yours" or "Always and forever" or some variation there of. Of those four I remain in contact with one of them and haven't heard from her in quite some time now.

Seriously, why do we fool ourselves with these lies? Humanity is incapable of forever! We have finite lives with fickle hearts and minds. I was struck by how daft the whole thing is. Combined with the massive revision of recent events from "I am smitten (with you) too" to "You can be smitten with people and not want a relationship with them. It's called friendship.", I find myself not wanting to even try and believe people in the future.

One of my housemates showed me this:


Very true. :)

In other news I've booked all my flights and hotels stuff for my trip to New York and Denver. Can't wait. Adventure!!! I'm also planning something slightly different for New Year's Eve, more on that later.

My RPG, Cactus Land seems to be coming into's it's own after a shaky sophomore effort. I've separated the group into two smaller parties for a while, all part of the ongoing narrative and it should make life very interesting. I've described it as like Survivors meets Lost.

I'm really enjoying the final season of Lost too.

Sadly the same cannot be said of Skins. I was enjoying it, despite being relentlessly grim this year, but the latest episode had a real jump the shark moment at the end. Skins always got the balance of drama and sensationalism right - in that it wasn't really sensationalism. Teenagers do crazy things and many of them try EVERYTHING. Media reaction and parental reaction to Skins was extreme and suggested a sheltered upbringing, rather than that Skins was out of proportion.

However, the ending of episode 3.07 was horrendous. While I can conceive of such a thing happening (and the character that is the catalyst for it all has been portrayed as being almost hypnotically appealing in her combination of allure and mischief), I find it hard to believe that a professional adult would do such a thing.

I am being vague, in case people haven't seen it and intend to, but I will say this. To become a therapist, you must first undergo fairly comprehensive psychological evaluation. Perhaps if the character responsible had been introduced earlier on and the gradual erosion of his values in favour of his obsession had been documented, it would have felt real. Instead it felt melodramatic and forced.

Plus the timing of a character death echoed season two in a way that felt like the Skins showrunners were following a pattern rather than telling new stories. The whole point of a new generation was to keep it fresh, I thought? Sigh...

Finally I've just learnt one of my goals for this year has been ruined by circumstances beyond my control. The cheeserolling has been cancelled. After two years of living in Gloucestershire, I intended to finally go. Boo.