Christmas time at retail is always manic, so that kept me busy. Plus it was the first Christmas without Mum, so it was pretty hard.
Dad and I did quite well. I made the roast dinner Christmas Day which kept me busy and Dad travelled down to Cheltenham.The picture shows Dad, amazed at the size of his roast dinner. I went all out. I had a lot of help in the preceding months prepping for that with practise Sunday roast dinners. Many thanks to Lex for all her invaluable help.
It was nice to get away from the old family home, which was even more empty over Christmas. We headed back in the late afternoon so as not to leave Khan (my 17 year old cat who still lives at my parents' house) on his own and watch Doctor Who.
Mini review of The End Of Time. The writing was shambolic and messy. Tennant, Cribbins, Dalton and Simm all excelled at wringing great performances out of the bad script. RTD showed moments of his old flair, I loved the cafe scene in part one and the goodbyes to the companions in part two was lovely. In fact, everything from the point where the Time Lords had vanished and Wilf knocks on the glass was pretty damn good.
I have no faults with the regeneration. The Tenth Doctor gave his life to save one wonderful man. And radiation poisoning takes time to kill. He would have had time to visit those old friends before the end if you ask me. The extra energy released that destroyed the console room could be explained as The Doctor's body expelling that radiation to enable him to regenerate.
And Matt Smith? I take back any criticism. Though I suspect Geronimo may grate as a catchphrase for me. The trailer for the new season looks awesome, particularly the lighting - very film like.
Right, what else? Oh, snowmageddon. I can't believe the county has ground to a halt from some snow. In the Eighties, the councils would listen to the weather reports and grit in advance of snow doing the roads and the pavements. Kids would be kept at school till the end of the day giving the councils time to make things safer and allow life to go on as usual.
This is barely any snow compared to some places in the world that deal with this every day. I have friends in Colorado who can drive in blizzards! Man up UK!
That said, I did cancel some plans last night after swimming as I wanted to go home, warm up and generally feel sorry for myself. The snow and ice of last year caused Mum to slip and crack her hip. It was the beginning of the end. Read back through my blogs for more. I'm tired of going over it, sorry.
I have stated I need to be more selfish in 2010. I spent 2009 trying to save all my friends, putting their needs first, hoping that would somehow make me a good person and life would magically reward me. It doesn't work like that. I've had some difficult conversations, explaining feelings I'd kept partly under wraps and extricated myself from some compromising situations. I should have done that a long time ago, but you can only do what you feel is right at the time and attempt to fix it later if you realise you were wrong.
You can't save everyone. And you can't save anyone when you aren't on an even keel yourself. I'm still perservering with Heroes and it did reward me with one line of dialogue this week that really resonated with me.
"He's empathetic beyond his years, but now it's his time to grieve and he has absolutely no idea how to go about it. He needs a shoulder to lean on. Yours."
I need to spend more time working out what I want, what makes me happy and finding away to combat the self loathing. I'm getting better. I do like who I am. Occasionally, I love who I am. But only occasionally.
I can't rely on anyone to do that for me. Not because I don't have friends. I have wonderful friends. But this needs to come from me.
I've got a new sofa and I need to spend more time sat on it learning to enjoy my own company again. When I moved to Cheltenham all I did was work alone and sit in my living room alone and retreat back to Swindon. Now Cheltenham feels like home, in part because of the kindness of some wonderful people. I need to find the balance between social time and me time.
I watched a DVD last night. Ironically it was My Name Is Bruce. The irony will be lost on most of you, so I won't go into it. But it was good fun and just what I needed.
Work in progress.
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