July...

18th - would have been Mum’s birthday
31st - will be my first birthday without her

Brace yourselves.

I am happy to report that I remain mostly in high spirits despite a few matters that are getting to me. Mainly due to lack of consideration and respect.

But fuck it! I’m going to watch jousting on Sunday and one of my oldest friends welcomed his beautiful baby girl Rachel into the world the other weekend. It’s an odd feeling to see life and death within the same financial quarter, in the same hospital, only a few floors apart. Human existence is a truly amazing thing.

Two days of June left, then July. Normally my favourite month of the year.

Deep breath, here goes…

Nodnol

18 days and no blog, best remedy that.

Things are pretty good. Spent half of this week in London visiting Kate. Was great to get away - first time since I opened the shop. When I left Swin City at the end of 2007 I told myself I’d be facing at least 18 months without a holiday. Well, June 2009 is pretty much spot on!

Did some touristy things and was lucky enough to be able to use Katie’s Merlin pass to visit the London Eye (cool, but actually quite dull), Madame Tussauds (overrated really) and London Dungeon. More on the later in a moment.

I got in Sunday night and we went to Camden to get shitfaced - after Kate and her wonderful housemate Justine made cottage pie.

Sidebar - was really worried I wouldn’t get on with Jizzle as she and K-Dubz are such good mates and it would suck if I didn’t like her, but that girl is great people. So damn positive, but very hard on herself. She deserves every success in this world.

Camden on a Sunday is not the party I’d expected. London clearly parties hard on Thursday-Saturday, but Sunday-Wednesday is like any other town or city in terms of night life I found. Ah well.

We did manage to get pretty damn wasted. I agreed to take on Kate’s hangover like some kind of sympathetic magic craziness. Oddly though, twenty minutes later I had gone from being the more sober one, to being absolutely wardrobed (joke copyright Michael McIntyre) and Kate had sobered up.

The next day Kate had to work, so Justine and I went round the Dungeon. I stupidly fueled my body with a Chai Tea Latte and a cheese pastry. Half way round the Dungeon I became really dizzy and felt really dehydrated. To stop myself fainting, my body flushed with sweat which was really unpleasant.

So despite feeling stupid and self concious, I enjoyed the Dungeon very much. Kate’s shows were excellent and the whole experience is well put together. Worth a look folks.

Jizzle and I went off to look around Forbidden Planet and explore Tottenham Court Road in search of books, musical instruments and sushi. Lunch gave the two of us to have a long chat about life, love and London.

I then met up with Laura B and had drinks on the Thames and then a tired and slightly hanging Katie joined us for dinner at a bistro in Covent Garden. Yum, yum, yum. Had a good evening and then we went back to the girls’ place and passed out.

Tuesday was the Eye and Camden Market and drinks around Tottenham Court Road. All good. I also took a pointless solo trip to Finsbury Park. Not doing that again.

Wednesday was manic and I had a disconcerting experience on the way home. One for another blog I think. Nothing bad, just hard considering the last few months.

Massive thanks to K-Dubz and Jizzle for making me feel very wlecome. I will be back soon!

Back to work Thursday and the shop was perfect. My little baby had been perfectly looked after by the wonderful Tony and Jo. Thank you both - without you, the last few days would have been impossible.

I’m also very proud that my shop can survive without me. I feel like a parent who’s little kid went off to playshool for the morning. I must be doing something right if my ways and systems can do the necessary without be there. :)

Anyway, that was Londinium. Good times. I was shattered when I got back though - great city, but I couldn’t live there! Now I need a restful holiday…

More soon.

Update and walnut cake

It’s been a while. Things are ticking on. I failed to get any professional help, as my work hours make it difficult for me to see a counsellor. Apparently if you’re struggling with life’s load you should really struggle during office hours.

The NHS failed Mum, they seem to have failed me. But unlike Mum, I’m still young enough and lucky enough to have a bloody great network of friends.

I’ve put osme of you through hell and you’re still with me. Thank you. More than words can say.

I hope to never have to repay your kindness - because I wish the events of my 2009 to date upon no one. But I won’t hesitate to down tools and be there for you if you need me.

Anyway, enough emotional blathering. I feel much better, exercise has helped too. I am trying to get back on course with my swimming too.

I have in the past week had some great nights out, planned some time to escape and relax for a bit later this month and had my eyes tested, Step one to seeing whether I should get glasses or can consider laser eye surgery. Which in turn may en able me to learn to drive. Which in turn will give me more freedom and make me more self reliant.

I have ordered some Open University prospectuses to review too. i’m hoping my HND in Media Production will count towards credits for a degree, so we’ll see where we go from here. I’m going to review the possiblities and then call an advisor to see what can be done. I’m tempted to continue a study in communication studies as I remain interested in media production and have a renewed interest in intrapersonal communication and non-verbal signals (thans to Lie To Me). Social Sciences might be the key, though a business qualification may be the way forward instead. We’ll see. I’ll keep you posted.

Thanks to Andy, Matt, Mel and Sara for their input and guidance on this front.

I’m also considering volunteering to be a Samaritans listener when I feel more together. This may be something I continue to pursue after the summer. I think I need to continue to sort myself out before I try to help anyone else and a good summer would be key to that.

Shame the sun’s vanished again, it was lovely here for a week or so. Fingers crossed it returns. I seem to be the only person I know who hasn’t had a barbecue yet. It’s driving me mad! And I’d really like to sit around my firepit drink with friends. Come back good weather, please?

What else? I’m doing two very unlike me things this month. One is on Thursday so wish me luck. Sorry to be vague, but whilst I am a very open person, some things will remains my business. For now. :)

But do wish me luck!

Off to see Drag Me To Hell tomorrow. Might try and catch Terminator afterwards if there’s time. And I’m finishing the Star Trek trilogy tonight with The Voyage Home, so it’s time for mindmelding with whales, nervepinching ignorant wankers on the bus and the lines “Everybody remember where we parked!” and “No, I’m from Iowa. I only work in outer space.” Good times.

Plans with upstairs in the shop continue apace. Most of the outstanding problems now are lying with outside contractors - namely the lighting dude. Blah. Will bug him after I finish this. Plus there’s painting and varnishing to do and my hoovers seem to have packed up. Sigh. But it is nice to see most of the things on my to do list are crossed off. Always feels like you’ve achieved something.

Back to Swindon this weekend. Will try to catch up with some of you, but I think I need to spend some long overdue time with my Dad.

If you have been, thanks for reading.

In a change from our regularly scheduled broadcast...

Something more positive.

I got to swim for the first time since Mum died. The endorphins, combined with the glorious weather, have given me a bit of lift.

Last week was dreadful and I was a nightmare to be around. I faced up to a problem I was having but hurt people in the process.

But hopefully that is past. I’ve got lots going on this month and I’m hoping it will really turn things around for me.

I’m really enjoying the Mammal album as well. Caught them on Scuzz round at Tony and Adie’s with their single, The Majority, from the album of the same name.

It reminds me of Faith No More and something else I can’t put my finger on. If I was still DJing I’d certainly be playing this every week to try and break it. I had to slyly download the CD as the band haven’t officially released it in the UK yet. But they are touring here (well two dates) later in this year, so it may follow then and I’ll certainly snap one up when it is available.

I’m loving what I’ve heard of Little Boots so far, may get her album. It’s also made me want to buy a Tenori-On but at over 900 quid I think I’ll have to pass!

I’m also gonna pick up the following CDs when they come out:

15th June => Enter Shikari - ‘Common Dreads’
13th July => BillY Talent - ‘III’
27th July => Frankmusik - ‘Complete Me’

Was gonna pick up the Incubus greatest hits, but the track listing is fairly uninspired and misses out a lot of the early singles I liked, so I may make my own compilation from iTunes instead.

Still haven’t seen Drag Me To Hell and Terminator is out tomorrow. Blah. Will get to it in due course I guess.

Have finally found a use for the rubbish Bay-formers too. The Not-Optimus standee I ordered makes a great sun shield in the window. :)