Nothing clever or [insert witty comment here]

Today I’m feeling tired, run down, unloved, lonely, unmotivated, hurt and empty. It all seems bloody pointless.

I’m really craving an extra day off, some more time for me. I really wish I was seeing more results from the exercise - i know I have to combine it with improving my diet but time and money is against me and so I’m still mostly eating rubbish.

Everything seems to be being made extra difficult recently. Battles with the landlord, the water board (they wanted to cut off next door, but that would cut me off too and I’m a fully paid up customer!!!), ignorant customers - I’m gonna say it. CUNTS! - and now a message from my old boss has rattled my cage.

What’s the point of it all? I’m only slightly happier running my own shop. Let’s be honest. I would be much happier if there was economic doom and gloom scaring the shit out of me and halting what had initially been reasonable growth. Everyone seems to want to stitch you up if you’re self employed from Government to friends.

This is why I don’t vote. No one has good policies that will improve my life or fall in lie with my beliefs and morals. The majority rules idiocracy we have means that if 30% of the country votes for one party and the remaining 70% vote for others but in smaller segments, that 30% gets power even though 70% said no to them.

Give me proportional representation and I’ll vote again. Till then it is wasted. A vote for Labour or Tory is a vote for the same shit wrapped in a different bow.

I know I’m out of sync having morals - to get ahead now you need to be the kind of person who will fuck over people on house prices, renege on deals to get leverage, etc.

But I wasn’t raised that way. In fact I think people like that are scum. Why am I even friends with people like that? I know it’s all speculation, no one has actually done that to me but some have admitted they see no problem in that and that worries me.

Actually it makes me downright furious.

So as the end of 2008 looms what do I want for Christmas and for 2009?

I want everything to be just a bit easier. I want someone to share the load, someone to confide in, to cuddle, and to be able to do that for them. I want a relationship that compliments my life doesn’t destroy it. Again.

I want to continue to lose weight. I want to eat better. I want to feel less run down, and have more energy.

I want to smile more, not just laugh and hide my true feelings. I want to not have to bite through my tongue rather than be honest.

I want to be more successful and feel that the shop is doing really well rather than surviving.

I want my dear friends to do well and be happy. And I want the people who are obnoxious to us to get their comeuppance. Petty maybe, but true.

I want to write again and feel pleased with the words, characters, dialogue and stories I craft.

I want to stop having to put the toilet roll tubes in the bin myself - seriously how hard is it to cross a room and bin a cardboard tube for fucks sake? I also want the lights in rooms that are empty to be turned off so I don’t end up paying 40% of wasted electricity. Teahc the planet a lesson on your own coin for fuck’s sake! :)

I ended 2007 keeping my goals and problems to myself. Let’s see if doing the reverse at the end of 2008, improves 2009…