Pink Floyd - 'Wish You Were Here'

So
So you think you can tell Heaven from Hell?
Blue skies from pain?
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
Did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish
How I wish you were here
We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground
What have we found?
The same old fears
Wish you were here

Why Bill Hicks was a legend in one quote...

“Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather.”

Life...

…is better than it has been in a while.

Diet is back on track. Swimming has resumed. Watchmen is out Thursday. Shop is nearing a year of trading (which will enable me to use like for like figures to gauge whether I’m actually improving...) and I’m getting my head straight.

I’ve actually felt like I make a difference recently which ahs given me s sense of fufilment that has filled some of the void.

It’s not all shiny. Mum’s in hospital again. She cracked her pelvis when she went over in the ice in February and they’ve only just diagnosed it properly. So that’s a whole thing. I’ve had to accept there’s nothing I can do except visit when the shop permits.

The biggest thing is I lost myself in a daydream of happiness the other day. Biggest suprise was it was basically my life now with a couple of differences. Big differences admittedly, but it could be acheived.

We shall see. Come what may.

Sissy fuss

I wrote a long blog abut my current emotional state.

It was almost eloquent and would have allowed people some insight and might have led to some advice.

It was more honest and concise than I can be in conversation.

Then I navigated away by mistake and lost it all.

Now I’m even more depressed.

Seriously, what’s the fucking point? I covet the life of all of you. I loathe mine and it’s making me bitter.

If something doesn’t change soon it may be time to just walk away. Walkabout. I won’t come back as Kate though.

Sisyphus was doomed to push a boulder up hill all day and then start anew having made no progress. This was mainly because he was a deceiftul shit. It was a fitting punishment.

I’m not perfect, but surely I’m not that bad. Maybe I once was, but that was fifteen years ago.

How long does atonement take?

I have no self worth without the love of another but no one will love a man who hates himself.

Ouroboros.

Is this a fitting punishment?

Blogged down

Blah, I have nothing really much to say but all is going well and I only seem to blog when pissed off, so here goes - positive blog!

Erm, Christmas was nice but over too soon. Christmas Doctor Who was mad and great for it. New Year’s I had a horrible cough and manflu (proper aches though, so I maintain it was real flu but public (read female) pressure insists I say manfllu).

I’m calorie counting now which is going well - after a brief false start whilst still being ill. 2000 a day to start with, which I will drop as my weight loss plateaus and then reincrease when I hit target weight.

I must stress this is not a diet, but a new way to live my life. I allow myself Saturday/Sunday (one or the other depending on my schedule) to allow me to still have some fun and worry less on those days.

Two weeks in, and it;’s going OK so far. I’ve recommenced the swimming now as well after illness laid me up, so fingers crossed for some good results this year.

And later this year Husky and Lou are getting married (congrats to them!!!), so I’m hoping I’ll have lost enough weight to fit back into my suit!

Hmmm, what else? Loads to look forward to on telly. The return of Skins will trigger my now annual miss-my-youth phase, wishing it was more misbegotten. The return of BSG too - excellent, can’t wait (coming down now). And the start of Dark Avengers too! I enjoyed Secret Invasion, but I think Dark Reign will be Marvel’s absolute triumph.

Plus we have DC’s Blackest Night event coming on. Final Crisis has been OK, and issue #6 was jawdropping but as a huge Green Lantern fan (second only to Iron Man really) I think Blackest Night will be amazing.

Free Comic Book Day is looming in the distance like an old firend and this year’s crop of comics includes an original Avengers story (from Bendis and Cheung featuring the New and Dark Avengers AND Thor verus Ymir the Frost Giant) plus a Blackest Night prelude/recap which should get people up to speed. Fab!

Boardgames wise, Richard’s new game Senji has been a big hit. I think I almost got the strategy in the second game after a disastrous first game but I was pipped at the post by Tony. Somewhat demoralising as it was his first game and he got the strategy straight away.

I also worry that a lot of the game actually depends on random luck more than strategy but is hiding that with enough complexity to trick us into believing it is skill. The random draw of starting samurai and how that affects how strongly you start is one worry. Then you card drawing and set collecting (surely one of the reasons why many have come to loathe Settlers and T2R?) and dice rolling. Hmmm…

Wow, I just lost all of you who haven’t played it haven’t I? Sorry.

Good news that Watchmen is settled and will come out as planned. I passed on Spirit merchandise but planned a big campaign of Watchmen gubbins so this was a financial worry for me as well as a personal worry as a fan. March 6th will be great.

So there you go, a pretty much positive blog.

2009 has been alright so far. :)